Juxtapose

If someone were to ask me what I love about you, I would certainly mention how much you are the opposite of me. The funny instances how you kindly call dumbass people ‘weird’ then I chime in with my claws out, sink my nammer fangs in, and fill in all the expletives.

You are water. I am fire. You are calm. I am chaos. You are birds chirping on a sunny day. I am firecrackers at 6am on a Monday morning. You are a field of spring meadows. I am a dark alley after midnight. You are an upbeat rnb song. I am a melancholy indie track with side swept bangs. You are a slow and steady walk in the park. I am a maze in a rush. You are pretty easy going. I am ocd and stubborn af. You are unwavering positivity and patience. I am the middle finger stuck in traffic…hungry. You are simply so thoughtful and kind. I am … well lucky. hahaha

It’s in the power of these opposites that my darkness meets the spectrum of your light. That my circle of trust and valuable relationships are born and relishing of connections grow. And it is in the few similarities that we meet, hold hands, and are able to understand and wholeheartedly embrace all the contents our palms have held on to and let go of. It’s in the contrast that I learn most what we are about together and as singular individuals. The moments we drive each other bananas are also the most fruitful of ones. :p

Of all things that have scraped and scarred my palms, of all things my palms have learned to let go of, you make up for everything that wasn’t worth keeping and holding on to (and then some.)

From day one, I appreciate that I didn’t have to chip away at a single layer of ego or issue to get to your heart or to learn your story. It has always been wide open by choice, all accepting smiling back at me. We never had facades, just our flaws and raw honesty upfront: I adore how our imperfections sit comfortably in it’s own skin.

You are like my favorite pair of sweat pants, pj pants, legging pants, buffet pants, anything with an elastic waist band really. You lovingly accommodate my extra extra when the stretch is needed and are the most comfortable emotional attire I wear proudly. You make me feel like the most special pair of pants in a room full of dresses.

Above all, as I write this, I realise you are my heart’s most beautiful juxtapose. I am grateful knowing the other (very) different part of me is you.

Happy 34 my Alibae, wishing you another beautiful birthday and year ahead. XO

 

#34 #birthday #celebration #you #tna #manchestertan #lettuce #201

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33

🎈33: thanks for the extra white hairs coming in, the assortment of fine (frown and laugh) lines in my expression, my molasses like metabolism, and the little surprises with the ache in my joints and spasm in my muscles. talk about body party. thanks for the humble reminder that everything I do to attempt to keep you healthy, is really to delay deterioration and how eating spicy ass food has it’s dire consequences. on a side note, thanks for my extra durable colon. Inspite of all the visible signs, I wouldn’t trade you for my teens nor twenties because teenagers smell weird and growing as a 30 something has been the best and most valuable years yet. You’ve taught me plenty in 2016. As a result, I feel more ‘planted’ than ever because my feet knows where it consciously chooses to stand, with my head and heart assertively leading the way.

I looked into the mirror this morning as you whispered softly “dim sum chicken feet” into my ears. With bated breath, I made it happen and chicken feet is what was had. dreams do come true. you’re welcome. :p

With no makeup and morning breath that can kill a house plant, it was still a solid feeling simply being able to recognize my own reflection not for it’s shell or external condition, but what I know to be true on the inside deep down into my bones. you’ve grounded me.

above all, the best (and hardest) lesson you teach me every single year as the years add on is that “the only way out is through.” there are no shortcuts and if there is one, it’s likely a cliff ahead without a warning sign, lol

here’s to another beautiful 365… Thanks alistair for a day of obesity eats & these blizzard cupcakes. xx

Power of The Wallflower

 

 Image may contain: one or more people and flower
Happy Birthday Coco G ~ My favorite Ninja!
It may be known that you wear a lot of black but I hope you are aware of how colorful your personality is. Like good art, it doesn’t need to be displayed for the world to see but will happily hang where it is appreciated and understood with it’s many layers, textures, shades, and depth. You remind me of the museums you love to seep yourself in: Clean and understated: Less is always more. You carry your qualities like you do with your drinks: extra strong, overflowing, and two at a time. All three can keep you up for days. Hahaha! What a year of happenings it has been for us both – Too. Many. Jokes. It’s comical what has made us connect this year: our passion/addiction for milk bbt, eats within the bbt radius, FRANCHISE DREAMS, dilated pupils, brunch lineups #alwayswaiting, feng xeis and wong fus, Cambodian ghosts, a whole lotta bullsheit, and above all, taking out the trash… and it’s lid.

Thru it all, I have come to learn and respect your integrity, silent ninja moves(it’s a lost art), uncanny impressions, sharp observation, foresight, but more than anything else, how you have a solid sense of who you are and what you stand for – bowl slammin’ included. :p

As I get older, I see how significant is it to be among quality souls that have the innate ability to see other quality souls with values that align and a mutual level of respect to match.

In true introvert fashion, I know you don’t like to stand out but the qualities above are what set you apart from the rest…to me. Because your surroundings are vital to your energy and peace, I hope you continue to surround your world with people, places, things, and of course, art that fills your heart with inspiration and life like a classic Bob Ross painting and his gorgeous afro.

Wishing you a beautiful year ahead that hopefully *feels* like it’s October all year around!

#birthday #celebration #you #powerofthewallflower #guhaweh #⚫️

Time

 

 

You’re never enough with the ones I love.

You’re fleeting but so incredibly still sometimes.

You freeze when I feel stagnant.

You move far too quick when I want you to stop.

You’re a watch clock of all things I choose to occupy my space with.

You tick louder when I start counting the seconds.

You go slow when I need to take a moment to realize that you wait for no one.

Oh, all the ways you remind me that you are borrowed, not guaranteed, and to spend you wisely.

Learning The Ropes

When woven rope becomes the thing in which you use to climb instead of a game of tug of war you can never win.

When the force of your own stubborn grip, leaves your hands completely scraped raw and scarred, baring the honest resemblance of all the reasons why you should no longer hold on.

You bare it.

Bare the familiar sting and you accept the nature of the injury as some sort of everyday comfort you breath in and out suffocating, as if the discomfort that was trying to tell you something worth learning wasn’t enough.

Pain whispers little grains of salt into your wounds challenging your heart’s threshold.

Did you learn?

Did you even listen?

When the illusion of the fruitful climb, is really the laws of gravity telling you the higher you climb, the harder you’ll fall.

When truth smacks you dab right in front of your face and tells you it’s who you climb for… more than why you climb.

Know the difference my dear.

Know that you can climb a mole hill or an entire mountain for someone and they still wouldn’t appreciate your efforts if they fail to appreciate you.

Here’s the thing, you have the be the reason you climb. Let the reason be you – For when you hold on, you know you’re holding on to your needs.

Respect yourself enough so that your knees won’t fall to beg, you will fall because you needed to learn and the rope was there all along to help you pull yourself up not intended to tie you down.

Is that enough reason for you to let go when it’s no longer worth holding on?

Or will you just loosen the grip until the pain forces your hand to release?

Will you release? Or will you wait for the pain to release you?

Whether the rope is used as a noose, the pull, or the climb: How hard you stubbornly choose to hold on, how gracefully you choose to let go, or how determined you are to use it for the climb… is for you to decide.

That’s the beauty and also the beast: Our decision is always our own to make.

So learn the ropes and use it accordingly.

Adrift

I get completely lost in metaphors and enjoy puns more than the average person.
I drown in descriptions, swim in objects that represent life in all shapes, sizes, and forms.
Words draw circles like infinite meanings, triangles look like going from point A,B,C, only to end up looking like a square I box myself in when I am experiencing a writer’s block.
I dive into words until I hit the depths of the ocean where I feel light has yet touched, and I sink  straight to the bottom into darkness at the thought of not being able to write.
I use no life jackets when I am placed in waters too deep for me to understand but I love and hate treading these feelings all at once.
It’s a madness, a twisted necessity really but it’s in the eye of the storm that my eyes begin to see.
I enjoy being submerged in the loud quiet of it all but when I rise above to take a deep breath,  I am the eye of the storm.
My lungs get filled with reasons and answers to why I breathe, and why I choose to continue to breathe with the ocean always there to answer my calls .
I am my own storm and it has become an element necessary to me.
I’ve studied and come to understand the calms before the storm and the calm after the storm and how they both prepare us for nothing but teach us everything.
I’ve let tides take me as far as the eye can see only to bring me back to shore.
I’ve let monsoons soak my soul where words fail to speak and tidal waves beg for my attention.
And so I take the ocean with me wherever I go… and I am also okay with leaving it behind when my heart gets tired of listening to its currents.
But I always find myself needing it as much as it needs me.
We often find each other in the middle of nowhere alone, left to explore these depths together.

What It All Amounts To…

The gift was not in the getting but in the giving. We simply never kept count. When we did, it was in the crossing off calendar days until we get to see each other again. Distance was not the ocean in between us but in the miles we’ve walked together, apart, and together while apart throughout the years. Some would say drifting apart is the time not spent together, but it made me only appreciate the time we did have tenfold.

It’s rare to find someone who is even happier for me than I am when something positive or exciting happens in my life. Or better yet, someone who remembers a detail in a conversation we had that I don’t even recall I said.

I adore the occasional menses induced bitchery we share when chocolate doesn’t cut it and you need the hard stuff such as a best friend: A girlfriend’s validation triumphs cocoa percentage potency anyday! With empathetic ears, and raging eggs at war with our uterus, together, we endure the 28 day meltdown. If that’s not loyalty in a white padded room, I dunno what is. :p

Or when you (yes you) cry over getting the wrong Whole Foods (avocado, sundried tomato aioli turkey bacon on a French baguette to be exact) sandwich because the PMS she devil has left you grief stricken over anything & everything because b*tches be craaazy like that. (Btw, my fav menses meltdown story of all time, hahaha)

Or how you swear, listening to Adele and ugly crying in front of a mirror is the remedy & cure to any heartbreak. TRIED IT. Ugliest shit everrrr, but effective. lol!

Unconditional really is just that, where needing a reason to be somebody or doing something for the one(s) you love becomes second nature, automatic, and even instinctive. To just be there, or here or anywhere they may need you no matter where you are on the map from each other.

I recently read a line somewhere that said: “Home has a heartbeat.” Let it be part of my journey, adventure, or even destination, all trails lead back to you in some way or form & you have always been that “home” feeling for me.

I never thought about friendship as a popularity contest, or defined it in numbers because you made me believe that having just that one who understands everything below & beyond the surface is what it all amounts to. Anything less than, just doesn’t compare. I am certainly lucky to have found more than one of you gold nuggets.

Thank you for being my ABCs when my thoughts were out of order. My 123s when I didn’t know what foot to put in front of the other. My constant reassurance when I needed someone most. In your own hilarious loving way, you’ve held your perfectly manicured hands up for me and stood in my corner so many times when I was simply too tired to go the next round.

I’m forever grateful to have you in my life today, and always. Hopefully when we’re 60 and brittle as fug, I will still have the feist in me to ‘Solange’ anybody who irritates you while you fret about how our boobs look like 10 day old moldy oranges. :\ Whoever’s jugs hit the floor first, wins. Yeah? 😀 Here’s to another decade of friendship and growing old together…

HAPPY BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY Dude! May the BIG 30 be just as amazing as you are!

I kinda love you… a lot.

Always,
Your Terru