Hi, my name is Terry and I am a recovering feelings addict.
I grew up craving for a fix every single day.
I was hungry for sentiments not expressed.
I was starving for the physical evidence & emotional proof that I was loved.
I didn’t know how hungry I was until I painfully realized I didn’t have the heart to stomach what I was not being fed by those responsible for me.
Perhaps I was fed, but it was barely enough to sustain and nourish my heart’s appetite.
If I was loved, it must have been spoken in a language I could not speak, read, write, nor understand.
I felt illiterate and intuitively knew this would be a subject I will be struggling with in life.
If it was sent in a message, I must have not received it, or received it too late, too soon, or in a way my self worth interpreted otherwise than it was intended it to be.
Then one day I looked in the mirror and it dawned on me: I had to find a way to fend for and feed myself.
And like all junkies do, I binged and got addicted to all things bad for me.
I got lost in chasing a feeling leaving all of my common senses behind.
I didn’t listen to my pain or admit that I needed help.
I abandoned anything that was honest enough to tell me I deserved better …and more.
I abandoned the one person who needed me most: Me.
It wasn’t until I got very sick that I had to learn what was unhealthy for my heart and my soul.
And so, I committed myself to sit in a chair 5 days a week and spoke honestly about my addiction, about who I was, … and I wrote about it.
I learned to pursue my purpose, not people.
I learned to stop chasing the false sense of security that never was, the so called “highs,” and how to embrace my sobriety in my own skin.
I learned to choose myself.
I learned how to choose love.
And above all, I learned how to choose to love me first.
I am now 32 years old, and 3 years clean.