A few close friends asked me to write their online dating profiles, it was incredibly fun. Below is what I came up with, haha:
HERs: “Project B”
Have you ever had greenstuff hangin’ outta your nose or leafy greens stuck in yo’ teeth? Wish you had someone great and honest enough in your life to tell you, “Yo Boogernose, pick it before you lick it.” or “Are you savin’ that spinach for later?” That kind of funny comfort level is hard to come by.
Well do I have someone for you! My good friend is the ultimate timesaver of BS with regards to people and situations. She always manages to put a comedic spin on love, life, and the inbetweens. She is honest… not to a fault, but when applicable. She will become reasons daily to chuckle in your life. She has certainly kept my facial muscles active and toned! If by chance, you’re lucky enough, she will likely be the best part of your day and what makes your heart smile.
Even in the midst of her own storms, she remains available to be the most incredibly strong, supportive, and loving person to those who need her.
As *****’s friend, this is my disclaimer to you: In an ocean full of fish, she is an incredibly beautiful soft shell crab inside out. Beneath a thin layer of a shell, is someone:
Have I mentioned honest? hehe :p
How many of us lay and wonder at night where in the world she/he is? The one to laugh, cry, share, and just be whole with? With 6 billion plus people in this world, I never believed in the all mighty title of “The One.” With so little time to sift through and through, I’d much rather let fate offer what it will and leave the heart open to be crossed, ideally by the one we’re meant to share in life’s lows and greatest highs with. Those three words: “The right one” has made the search not so much futile but much more attainable. All thats left to do is be open to amazing possibilities and let come what may!
Seeking someone as great of a measure as my friend is. She simply deserves someone special just the same and no less. Are you “The right one” for her? It will only take time to know and true patience to find out.
Let love meet you in the right place, with the right person, aligned by impeccable timing. Who knows? It can be right here that you just might find it! Or it finds you.
HIS: Let’s Duet! (His headliner, he sings awesome, get it? lol )
Check 1,2,3. Is this thing on? Alright, listen up all you single ladies!
Whether you’re madly in love with 80’s man Richard Marx, 90’s R&B crooners, or lyrically blessed Kanye West, he can belt out all the tunes of the talents mentioned, and then some. With passion, heart, conviction and emotion, he sings soulfully just as he lives.
Yes, he may be one of my most trusted and closest friends. Yes, I may think he’s an amazing person inside out. AND yes, I may be a little biased, but at least he’s not writing this himself because that would be utterly egocentric don’t ya think? :p
I’ve had many muddy dark moments in life, and I can’t think of a time where he wasn’t all ears, where he was anything but short of support or encouragement, where his clarity wasn’t readily available to make it all make sense when it least did. Not time nor distance has made him any less of a friend to me. He was simply always there in the promise of his words and actions.
So as his friend, please allow me to testify what an incredible person he is, let alone boyfriend, partner, husband, companion, friend he will be to the right lady to enter his life one day. It’s officially my time to auction my friend off. A person who I believe to be the strongest of personalities, loyal to those he loves, and consistently generous and helpful to those whom he invests his patience, time, and care with. There will never be a shortage of adjectives to describe him, just an overfill of smiles and a mixed bag of memorable witty remarks.
In my circle of trust, Danny has an irreplaceable spot in my heart. If you’re as lucky enough, may he also be a part of yours.
Come what may. I will leave the rest up to him to take hold of and to the lucky lady, to also happily take hold of him.
May you be the coaster to his cup, the manure to his flower bed, and his heart’s song (Yeah I like that one!). I know, barf right? Let’s get real here, we all want it and we all need it. I’m still talking about love to all you pervy fishies who just wandered off elsewhere into the world of spawning. LOL.
Like him or love him, it’s a win win.
Danny’s Rep 🙂